Street Chronicle Vendor Shares Stay-at-Home Struggles, Announces New Book for Sale
The governor issued a “Stay at Home” order to keep everyone “safe.” For many people, they are staying safe at home. Children are out of school and there is no college. Students are participating in online learning. Many adults are working from home. In many homes parents and children are getting on each other’s nerves but in the end, they are all bonding and at times enjoying each other’s company. Some people live alone but pass the time by checking on their family members or having their loved ones checking in on them. People who are married or have a mate are spending this time bonding with each other. Those who have a pet are at home bonding with their pet. Everyone is not “safe” at home. Many people who have lost a loved one are feeling lonely at home mourning the loss of their loved one. Other people are struggling at home trying not to relapse on drugs or alcohol.
For some people home is not a safe place. Some children live in abusive homes. School was their escape from abuse and where they got breakfast and lunch. There are many places that offer free meals for kids but not all parents may allow their child to receive the free meals. Some people have abusive mates and spouses and now they are stuck in the house alone with their abusive mate with no where to go. People who live with mental illness are alone at home with their thoughts. Many people with PTSD are at home dealing with their flashbacks. People who live alone with no family support are stuck at home feeling isolated, alone, and depressed. Then there are some people who have no homes trying to figure out where to go while everything is closed. The stay at home order is not good for everyone.
“I am not doing too well with this stay at home order. I miss working. Working was the only good thing I had going on in my life. I miss the library. The library was where I went to use the computer. I would use the library computer everyday to work on my website and work on my manuscripts.”
Now that the library is closed, I can’t maintain my website or work on my manuscripts. I have an old laptop that don’t work properly and I can’t afford internet. AT& T offers $10 internet if you receive SNAP benefits, but my building doesn’t allow AT&T, only Spectrum. Spectrum offers 2 months of free internet for public school teachers and for students in grades K-12 (that was what I was told when I called) but there is no special discounts for people who have limited incomes or those who are elderly or disabled. The lady on the phone tried to sell me a cable, internet, and phone deal for $124.00 a month. I can’t afford that.
When I’m at home too long, I feel lonely and isolated. I watch basic TV (without cable) and get on social media. After a while, these things irritate me. On TV there is no sports (I love watching sports). There is too much talk about families and family togetherness on TV and in commercials. Many people are posting family pictures and quotes on social media. There were post pictures of your sibling and mother challenges on social media. This kind of depressed me because I always wondered how it felt to have caring parents or a close sibling. I was abused and neglected as a child and sometimes I have flashbacks that pop up. It is a part of my PTSD. Sometimes when I stay inside too long, I have panic attacks and deal with anxiety. I go outside and walk around. I also play with my remote-control car. It’s too windy to play with my remote-control helicopter.
I go through days where I just need to leave the house. I know that we are not supposed to leave the house for non-essential trips but it is essential for me to leave my house sometimes to escape my loneliness and isolation and so I can keep my sanity. I’ll hop on the bus and rapid which now want us to wear mask while riding the bus. I’ll go to the West Side Market because I miss working there. I also go to the West Side Catholic Center and get a free take out meal sometimes. For the first 3 weeks, I stayed at home only going to the store down the street. In those 3 weeks I was bored, depressed, and lonely. I ate all day long and gained 18 pounds. I was emotional binge eating because I felt empty on the inside. I was more at risk of having a heart attack or stroke at home than catching the Corona Virus. When I gathered the courage and energy to leave home and my neighborhood, I felt better. Leaving home and escaping my social isolation every few days make me feel better.
“I miss working not just because of the income but because working allowed me to socialize with people who would normally ignore me or reject me if I wasn’t working. I miss selling the paper and talking to my customers. I miss greeting the regular customers each week as they shop at the Market. ”
I miss using the internet and computer to work on my websites, manuscripts, and business ideas and plans. I miss selling the necklaces that I make at different sporting events. This shutdown have me feeling trapped because I can’t be productive right now. I got a bunch of free time, but I don’t have a reliable computer or internet access to work on my business ideas and plans. I wrote 2 books that were supposed to be marketed for the month of April. There were about child abuse and autism spectrum disorders. With the library being closed I couldn’t promote them like I wanted to. You can check out my online bookstore here!
Maybe one day I’ll be able to afford the finer things in life like home internet and cable and a really good laptop. My favorite laptop is a Dell (the only kind I’ve ever owned), but one day I would like to try a MacBook. Until then I will continue to worry about my basic necessities, rent, utilities, phone, bus pass and food.